Steven Wright Jokes / Recent Jokes

I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I`d doubled my age in a year. I thought, "If this keeps up, by the time I`m six I`ll be ninety!"

It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don`t have that much time.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon`s appointments.

I filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What`s my mother going to do?