Stewardess Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas toChicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to hismother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldnt think ofan answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked thestewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, whydont big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did yourmother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So thestewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out ontime."

Stewardess" "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I cant see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I cant sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the plane."

On a BA flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African Lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant.
"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"
"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do - I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class."
The woman cocks a snotty look at the outraged black man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers).
A few minutes later, the stewardess returns with the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin:
"Madam, unfortunately, as more...

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says' Do Not Disturb'!"

The engine's being held on by duct tape. You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles. In-flight movie has "Ernest" in its title. Pilot informs you that you're at cruising altitude and he's gonna put the top down. Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM. As you're taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase "Guest Pilot Program" The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture. The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club..."she" has a beard and bigger arms than you! Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle. You look down and see a copy of "Fixing a Plane for Dummies" by the mechanic's feet!!!

A Punjabi peasant on his first flight to take up a job in England got a seat on a British airline. Came lunch time and the stewardess brought a tray of European savouries.' No,' said the peasant firmly as he undid a small bundle and took out a makki ki roti.
'What is this you are munching?', asked the stewardess.
'This bread India,' he replied.
A little while later, the stewardess brought a trayful of puddings of different kinds. Once again the peasant shook his head as he produced a lump of gur from his pocket and put it in his mouth.
'What is this you are chewing?', asked the stewardess.
'This sweet India,' he replied.
When the stewardess came to take away the lunch trays, the peasant let out a loud belch.
And what is this?', demanded the stewardess sternly.
'This is Air India.'

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door burst open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and stewardess.

He held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place. The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and says, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." But the copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought more...