Stick Jokes / Recent Jokes
The basic training of every singer should, of course, include myriad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often neglected, however, is the art of one-upmanship. The following rules are intended as guides to the development of habits which will promote the proper type of relationship between singer and conductor.1. Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch-pipe, make known your preference for pitches from the piano and vice-versa.2. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, and of a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.3. Bury your head in the music just before cues.4. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favour.5. Loudly clear your throat during pauses (tenors are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a good chance to more...
A man walked into his back yard one morning and found a gorilla in a tree.
He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a
stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs, and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner. "I'm going to climb the tree
and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The
trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when
the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself,
you slap on the handcuffs."
"Got it," the homeowner replied. "But what's the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the
Chihuahua."
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick!
Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.
(Giants' nails.)
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby more...
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to discover that "mist" is slang for manure. Not many people had use for the "manure stick."
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. They later learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people are unable to read.
5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" more...
A guy decides he wants to learn how to hunt. Needing a good hunting dog, he visits a farmer who has been advertising hounds in the newspaper. The farmer shows him several dogs, but the guy doesn't like them. Then he spots one hound that the farmer hasn't shown him. The guys asks, "What about that one?" "Oh, no," the farmer replies. "That one's my special dog." "What's so special about him?" "Let me show you."
The farmer leads the guy and the dog to a field, lifts up one of the dog's ears, and orders, "Go find the birds!" The dog charges to a nearby bush, points and barks once. "That means there's one bird in that bush," says the farmer. "No way!" exclaims the guy. The farmer takes a stick and pokes the bush, and a huge pheasant flies out.
To further convince the guy, the farmer again lifts the dog's ear and repeats, "Go find the birds!" This time the dog streaks off to more...
Ted and his wife where waiting at the bus stop with Harry, his spouse and Harry's nine children.
At last the bus drew up, packed with poeple.
The two women, and the nine children managed to get on. but the men where left behind and had to walk.
After trotting along the road for an hour, Ted's walking stick got on Harry's nerves with its continual tapping.
"Why don't you put a rubber on that stick!" Harry complained.
Ted snapped back "If you'd put a rubber on your stick, we'd have got on that blasted bus."