Stiff Jokes

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.
The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: "Here lies my wife... cold as ever"
Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: "Here lies my husband... stiff at last"

A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion, and so draped a banner on the front of their building that read:
"Our Staff will stuff your Stiff."
Not to be outdone, the madame across the street had her girls respond with a banner too:
"Our Stuff will stiff your Staff."

Questions to Ponder about Viagra
If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?
If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?
I dropped a Viagra in a jar of small sweet pickles last night and this morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.
I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes, so my head would swell.
Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as "assault with a dead weapon."
Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO." Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where.
Are you taking Viagra or are you just happy to see me?
If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you'll get a stiff neck.
A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened more...

Questions to Ponder about ViagraIf a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut? If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart? I dropped a Viagra in a jar of small sweet pickles last night and this morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes, so my head would swell.Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as "assault with a dead weapon."Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO." Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where.Are you taking Viagra or are you just happy to see me? If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you'll get a stiff neck.A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened criminals! They will face a stiff sentence when more...

Once little Siripala was playing with sand in the garden, and his grandfather was watching him. Then suddenly he pulled out a worm from a tiny hole in the sand. The grandfather saw this and said, "I will give you ten rupees if you put the worm back to the hole". Siripala tried his best but the worm was not stiff enough to put into the hole. Then he brought a tin of varnish, and applied some on the worm, and left it for few minutes to dry. When the worm was dry, it became stiff, and then he easily put the worm into the hole. Siripala's grandfather said, "You did it boy! I'll give you your ten rupees tommorrow".
The next day the grandfather gave him twenty rupees. Siripala asked, "Why did you give me twenty?". Then the grandfather said, "Well; The extra ten rupees is from your grandmother, as an appreciation for your invention".