Stone Jokes / Recent Jokes
"My husband didn't leave a bit of insurance."
"Then where did you get that gorgeous diamond ring?"
"Well, he left $1,000 for his casket and $5,000 for a stone. This is the stone."
In the future, man is exploring the universe. Due to the excessive cost, they can only send out small teams of explorers to search and investigate the millions of planets they come across. One such team lands on a barren planet that seems to be just one big rock. As they investigate, their sensors pick up life signs. They follow the sensor until they come up on a large stone sentinel (guard) crouched down with its arms around its legs. They can detect life signs from it, but it doesn't move, doesn't appear to breathe.
They call back to their commanders on Earth and report this abnormal situation. Because of this, many great scientific minds, military generals, politicians, and technical wizards are sent to try to interact with this leviathan. After many months, every walk of life has come to try to communicate with the sentinel, but nothing happens. It just sits there with its arms around its legs.
Finally, one of the teamsters who sets up the stage occasionally when some more...
JESUS came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death. Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."
An old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The young lady collapsed dead.
Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, mother, sometimes you really p*** me off."
Jesus spotted a crowd chasing a woman to stone her, so he immediately approached them.
"What is going on here?" Jesus asked.
"This woman has committed adultery and the law says we should stone her!" replied one of the people in the crowd.
"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, knocking the woman on the side of the head.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad," Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
Jesus walks upon a crowd with an adulteress crouching in a corner with a mob around her preparing to stone her to death.
Jesus stops them and says, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!"
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fires off a stone at the adulteress and blasts her right in the head.
At which point Jesus looks over and says... "Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!"
Jesus walks upon a crowd with an adulteress crouching in a corner with a mob around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stops them and says, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!"Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fires off a stone at the adulteress and blasts her right in the head. At which point Jesus looks over and says..."Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!"