Stove Jokes / Recent Jokes

December 8
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by more...

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says more...

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8:
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be more...

A woman ordered a new stove from a retailer. However, the stove was delivered while the woman was at work one day.

When the woman got home, she noticed that the new stove had been installed and her old stove was missing. She frantically called the retailer and asked, "Where is my old stove?"

The retailer replied that she just had a new one delivered to her. The woman asked again "Where is my old stove?"

The retailer replied. "Your new stove has all the latest features" and he proceeded to list them all.

The woman interrupted "Where is my old stove?"

The retailer concerned and bewildered asked the woman why she wanted to know where her old stove was.

The woman replied in anguish " My dinner is in the oven!"

Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not carefull downloadin' (watch th' toes!)
Floppy Disk: Whacha get from pilin' too much firewood.
RAM: The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Hard Drive: Gettin' home in mud season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in mud season.
Windows: What to shut when it's 30 below.
Screen: What you need for black fly season.
Byte: What black flies do.
Chip: Whatcha get when you chop wood.
Micro Chip: What's left when you've picked up the chips.
Infrared: Where the left-over's go when Fred's around.
Modem: What you did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: John Matrix's wife.
Printer: Someone who can't write in cursive.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy
Keyboard: Where you hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic more...

Log on: making a wood stove hotter
Log off: don't add no more wood
Monitor: keeping an eye on the wood stove
Download: gettin the farwood off the truck
Mega Hertz: when yer not keerful getting the farwood
Floppy disc: whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
Ram: that thar thing what splits the farwood
Hard drive: gettin home in the winter time
Prompt: whut the mail ain't in the winter time
Windows: what to shut when it's cold outside
Screen: what to shut when it's blak fly season
Byte: what dem flys do
Chip: munchies fer the TV
Micro Chip: whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem: whacha did to the hay fields
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top: whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard: whar ya hang the keys
Software: them plastic forks and knifes
Mouse: what eats the grain in the barn
Mouse Pad: that hippie talk for the rat hole
Main frame: holds up the barn more...

Log on - Adding a log to your wood stove
Log off - Don`t add a log to your wood stove
Monitor - Keep an eye on the wood stove
Megahertz - When a big log drops on your bare foot in the morning
Floppy disk - What you get from piling too much wood into your wood stove
Ram - The hydraulic machine that makes the woodsplitter work
Drive - Getting home during most of the winter to your wood stove
Hard drive - Trying to get home during a heavy snow storm
Prompt - What you wish the mail was during the snow season
Enter - Come on in
Windows - What you must shut when the temperature hits 10 below
Screen - What is a must during black fly season
Chip - What you munch during a football games
Microchip - What`s left in the bag when the normal chips are gone
Modem - What you did to your fields last July
Dot Matrix - Eino Matrix`s wife
Laptop - Where the grandkids sit
Keyboard - Where you`re supposed to put the keys more...