Strange Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you came and you found a strange man teaching your kids to punch each other, or trying to sell them all kinds of products, you'd kick him right out of the house, but here you are; you come in and the TV is on, and you don't think twice about it.

Things You Wouldn't Know Without The Tube All Of Life's Mysteries Are On TV If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of you sweetheart more...

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt more...

9. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy." 8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt. recreational. catnip. 6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna. 5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of "CyberDog." 4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it. 3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II. 2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser. and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password... 1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

A few days after returning from a business trip to the Far East, the man notices a strange growth on his penis. He visits several doctors and keeps getting the same response, "You were screwing around in the Far East, it's very common there, there's no cure, there's no choice but to cut it off."
He panics and figures that if it is so common in the Far East, they must know how to cure it so he returns to see a doctor there.
After examining him, the doctor says, "I see you have been fooling around in my country. I must tell you this is a very common problem here. Have you seen any other doctors?"
"Yes I have, back home in the USA," the man replies.
"I'll bet they told you it would have to be cut off," says the doctor.
"Yes, they did," answers the man.
Smiling, the doctor says, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself!"

Here's one people can tell to their grandmothers:
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very
successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the
world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was
admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning
he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's
quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece
of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it
back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a
treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated
about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest,
the first mate led the entire crew more...

Drug dealers Software developers
Refer to their clients as "users". Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!" "Download a free trial version..."
Have important South-East Asian Have important South-East Asian
connections(to help move the connections (to help debug the
stuff). code).
Strange jargon:"Stick," "Rock," Strange jargon: "SCSI," "RTFM,"
"Dime bag," "E." "Java," "ISDN."
Realize that there's tons of cash Realize that there's tons of cash
in the 14- to 25-year-old market. in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by the industry's Job is assisted by the industry's
producing newer, more potent producing newer, faster machines.
mixes.
Often seen in the company of of Often seen in the company of
pimps and hustlers. marketing people and venture
capitalists.
Their product causes more...