Strapped Jokes

Three men, a Scotsman, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were given a sentence of life inprisonment for manslauter in Saudi Arabia. When they got to the trial the judge said, "It is my daughter's birthday, so you will only be lashed 100 times."
They went to the whipman and he said, "Today is my birthday, you may all have a wish"
The Frenchman, who went firstm said, "I would like a pillow strapped to my back. "He got 33 painless lashes until the pillow broke. He then got hit 77 times on his back.
The Scotsman asked for two pillows. He got 66 painless lashes until the pillows broke. Then got 34 whips on his back.
The whipman said to the englishman, "England is a noble country, therefore you may have two wishes. The Englishman said,"Thank you, my first wish is to increase my number of whippings to the maximum 1000. My second wish is to have the frenchman strapped to my back."

Physics Puzzle... Nice one - try to crack it. ....
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers. One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived.
The judge decided to set him free, and the conductor returned to his profession. After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time more...

These three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a fighting Texas Aggie more...

Nitroglycerin suppository
My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
Paper cuts from hate mail
Wine press
Random act of terrorism
Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
Exploding gas barbeque
Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
Rusty meat hook
Pulp digester / Saw mill
Sexually transmitted disease
Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista... BARNEY!".
Exploding school bus
Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
Sacrifice to a tribal god
Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
Asphixiation on a twinkie
Bungee more...

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!"
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke dogface!"
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now you old goat!"
The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you've got some guts!"