Strength Jokes / Recent Jokes

On their honeymoon night, the bride turns to her husband and says, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and don't know anything about sex, so I'm a little nervous. Would you explain it to me first?"
"Sure, Sweetheart," the husband replies. "Putting it simply, we'll call your private place 'the prison', and we'll call my private thing 'the prisoner'. What we do is this... we put the prisoner in the prison."
They then make love for the first time. Afterwards, the husband sprawls out on the bed, face up, with a look of satisfaction on his face.
A few minutes later, the bride nudges him and giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."
He turns on his side and with a big grin, says, "Well, we'll just have to re-imprison him."
After making love the second time, the husband rolls over and reaches for a cigarette. The wife, however, is thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love. Giving him a seductive smile, more...

A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment, she replied,' Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game called Bridge, and last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say,' Lay down and let's see what you've got.' Another man said,' I've got strength but no length.' Another man says to the lady,' Take your hand off my trick!' I pretty near dropped dead just then, when the lady answered,' You jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for one raise.' Another lady was talking about protecting her honor and two other ladies were talking and one said,' Now it's time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine. Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving, I hope to die if one of them didn't say,' Well, I guess we'll go home now. This is the last rubber.'

Whenever I get a package of plain M Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.

To this end, I hold M M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its more...

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no way of crossing the river.

The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God,give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three hours.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman and he walked across the bridge.

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."
The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."
This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."
Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."
Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."
Replied the other, "Santa."
A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."
Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

Copied from someone who definitely has too much time on their hands:
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species more...

The busy Park Avenue veterinarian impatiently assured the well-dressed lady with the schnauzer dog that there was nothing wrong with the animal's hearing. "There's just too much hair around the dog's ears," he said. "Get some hair remover and he'll be all right."
She purchased a bottle of depilatory at a nearby pharmacy, and the clerk instructed her to use it at full strength for leg hair and to dilute it by half for underarms. "Thanks," said the woman with a puzzled frown, "but I want to use this on my schnauzer."
"Oh," said the clerk, somewhat taken aback. "Well, in that case you'd best use it at one-third strength. . . and. . . uh, I wouldn't advise bike riding for a while!"