String Jokes / Recent Jokes

A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet. A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot. He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says,' Polly wanna cracker'. If you pull the left string it says,' my name's Sam'". The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious. So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!!!"

String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."

This guy walked into a bar with a monkey on a string. He sat at the bar, and announced that the monkey is for sale.
The barman relied "I don't want any monkey! They destroy everthing, and they are a nuisnace!"
The guy replied "But this is a special monkey. It gives a really good blowjob. Look, go in the back and try it out."
After 10 minutes, the barman returns with a broad grin. "Man, that monkey is really good! How much do you want for it?" $200 was exchanged.
That evening, the barman returned home to his wife. "Hi, dear. I just bought this monkey. I want you to teach it to cook and wash, and then I want you to get the hell out of this house!!!"

So the bus driver said to the string, "Are you a string?" and the string said, "No, I'm afraid not". (A frayed knot).

3 bits of string walk into a bar and sit at a table, first bit of string offers to get the drinks in and walks up to the bar. He asks for 3 beers and the barman points to a sign saying we dont serve string. The second bit of string decides to try his luck but gets the same response from the barman. The third bit of string roughs his hair up and ties his arms to gether before going to the bar, the bar man asks are you a bit of string and he replies no sorry mate frayed knot

The string is a stark data structure and everywhere it is passed there is much duplication of process. It is a perfect vehicle for hiding information.

A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table. The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in their pockets?"The flight attendant answered, "We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be much more efficient."Later, as the flight attendant is picking his dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?"The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much t ime washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to more...