String Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? A. So he could tie the score.

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen.
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.
The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, more...

Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string."

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. “Sorry, we don’t serve strings, ” says the bartender. “What? That sucks, ” said the string. So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar again and again orders a drink. “Hey, aren’t you that string? ” asks the bartender. “No. I’m a frayed knot. ”

This guy was driving along a street when his car broke down. Then he notice a house with an old man and his beatiful sexy daughter inside. The guy went over to the old guy and asked him if he could spend the night at his house. Then the old guy said yes but the old guy said "Ionly have one rule this house is taht you shall not have sex with my daughter." Then the guy said yea sure why not man. Then at dinner when the old guy went to get dessert the daughter said would you like to go to my room for a little smacking the pod. Then the guy said "OK." THen the daughter went up then ten minutes later the guy went up. Then he went to her room and got it on. When they were finished he said "That was the best BJ that i have ever had in my whole life." Then he said thnak you then she said your welcome . Then he went to his room and went to bed. In the morning he woke up and saw a rock on top of his sheets and said "What the fuck is that doing there?" more...

Software Learning Process


Hello World.......

High School/Jr. High
===================

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END


First year in College
=====================
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.


Senior year in College
======================
(defun hello
(print
(cons' Hello (list' World))))

New professional
================
#include
void main(void)


char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;

for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf(" ");
}


Seasoned professional
=====================
#include
#include

class string

private:
int size;
char *ptr;

public:
string(): size(0), ptr(new char('')) {}

string(const more...

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked the look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied to its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah well, sir," came the reply, "that`s a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, he`s a trained parrot, sir, he used to be in the circus. If you pull the string on his left foot he says `Hello` and if you pull the string on his left foot he says `Goodbye`." "And what happens if you pull both strings at once?" "I fall off my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.