String Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit.A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan.When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's alreadytoo late.Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says they more...

These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?"
The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^Ur89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu"
"Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."

Mr. Alahajohn, our well-known rugby master-in-charge, takes the first-XV to the brand new, trendy Pizza Hut at Union Place, COlombo, after the bradby. He wants to order indhiyappa (string hoppers) but Captain Mohan Adhiram Gay jumps and says, "sir, sir, no string hoppers here!" "Mama dhannawa oi, thamuse mata kiyaladhenna enawadha?" shouts Mr. Alahajohn. He calls the waiter over immediately. "apita pissa hut hayak gendha!"

The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U.S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave! The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast:The screwing you'll get is going to be worth the screwing you'll get.I didn't have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't more...

Lodi: It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".(Dumb Laws - California)

How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

A string goes into a bar, slides onto the barstool and asks the bartender to give him a beer.
"I don't serve strings," the bartender says.
The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and frays the top of himself. He then returns to the bar and again asks the bartender to give him a beer.
"Hey, aren't you the string that was just here?" asks the bartender.
The string replies, "No... I'm a frayed knot."