Study Jokes

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Torah scholar." he replies.
"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.
The conversation proceeds like more...

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft.
After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study.
After $250,000, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

According to a recent study, kidney donors live just as long as people who still have two kidneys. Unfortunately, in another kinda creepy study, heart donors didn’t show the same positive results.

According to Yahoo News, a study performed by the Pacific Institute of Research revealed that children from 2 to 4 years old that were spanked scored 5 points lower on an IQ test versus their unspanked counterparts. Children from ages 5 to 9 who were spanked scored an average of 2.8 points lower than unspanked children in the same age group.
A new study is being coordinated right now to see if spanking has the same effect on adults who are 18 years old and up. Female volunteers are needed. Email me for details.

A couple seated in a Chicago restaurant noticed that all the waiters carried two spoons in their vest pocket. Curious, the man asked their waiter the reason for this.
"Well, sir," the waiter explained, "an efficiency study conducted by management determined that the most frequently dropped silverware item is a spoon. Therefore, all waiters carry two spoons so that the item can be instantly replaced."
As the waiter was offering the explanation to the couple, they noticed there was a string hanging out of the fly of his pants. "What about that?" the man asked, discreetly pointing to the string.
"That, sir, is the result of another efficiency study," the waiter replied. "When we need to go to the bathroom, we use the string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore, we do not have to stop to wash our hands."
"We understand how you can get yourself out and aim," the man said, "but how do you go about getting more...