Subtitles Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chinese SubtitlesFrom a list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong, Compiledby Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins for their book *Sex & Zen & a Bullet inthe Head*, to be published in August by Fireside. Cited in Harper's, June1996.I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.Gun wounds again? Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken! Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! You daring lousy guy.Beat him out of recognizable shape! I have been scared shitless too much lately.I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.How can you use my intestines as a gift? The bullets inside are very hot. Why more...

Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. You with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.
15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
19. This will be of fine service for you, you more...

Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.2. You with your thick face have hurt my instep.3. Gun wounds again? 4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken! 7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? 9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! 12. You daring lousy guy.13. Beat him out of recognizable shape! 14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately.15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! 16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold? 18. How can you use my intestines as a gift? 19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and more...

There is a very ancient Chinese saying, "If the weight of the outside world is pressing in, solstice can always be found in happy golden morsels of light entertainment." No. Just kidding. I made that up. But wait, this is real: Jackie Chan's film FIRST STRIKE (Bad Jin Long) is whooping (and I do mean whoop-whooping) good fun. This film's got high speed snowboard chases, chases on stilts, and synchronized swimming with man eating sharks. What more could you ask for? Actually I could ask for subtitles. It would be very convenient, but on second thought, they'd probably be in Chinese. My limited mental capacity (something about bungee jumping from my uncle's shoulders at an impressionable age, back in the old days before they added the cord) prevents me from comprehending Chinese characters flashing on a 10 foot screen at lightning speeds. This happens regardless of whether the characters on the screen are debating philosophical theory or making tea, so it would probably be more...

Real Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies -------------------------------------1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. 2. You with your thick face have hurt my instep. 3. Gun wounds again? 4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin. 5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries. 6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken! 7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants. 8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here? 9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up. 10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken. 11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out! 12. You daring lousy guy. 13. Beat him out of recognizable shape! 14. I have been scared sh*tless too much lately. 15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! 16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected. 17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold? 18. How can you use my intestines as a gift? 19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will more...