Supermarket Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Juggle the fruit.
2. Wedge things in all the freezer and refrigerator doors, stopping them from closing all the way.
3. Purchase a live lobster and turn it loose in the store.
4. Shake all the sodas.
5. Have shopping cart races down the aisles.
6. Dump the tray of food samples into your purse.
7. Talk to the fresh fish.
8. Pop the champagne bottles.
9. Hold a bowling tournament in the aisles, using canteloupes for bowling balls and pineapples for bowling pins.
10. "Accidentally" drop a jar of pickles and walk away quickly.
11. Fill a shopping cart with items such as kleenex, diapers and toilet paper and leave it in the cereal aisle.
12. Talk to your Aunt Mildred, using a banana as a telephone.
13. Throw a party.
14. Fall alseep in a shopping cart in the middle of an aisle.
15. "Drive" your shopping cart up and down the aisles while making race car noises.
16. Try to auction off a grapefruit.
17. more...

There was this old guy wandering around in a supermarket calling out at intervals -
"Crisco? Crisco? CRIS-CO!!!"
Finally a store clerk approached.
"Sir, the Crisco is on aisle five."
"Oh," replied the old guy, "I'm not looking for Crisco, I'm calling my wife."
"Your wife is named "Crisco?"
"Nah," he answered, "I only call her that when we come to the supermarket."
"Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?"
"Lard Ass!"

Man walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap1 toothbrush1 tube toothpaste1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk1 single serving cereal1 single serving frozen dinnerThe girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" She replies "because you're ugly."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager.
"Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..." he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, "... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half."
The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager.
"Lancaster, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams."
"Oh, my WIFE is from Lancaster," challenged the manager.
Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, "What team was she on?"

1 Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
2 What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
3 What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
An air bag.
4 Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
5 Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
Because she got an F in sex.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.
The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.
The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat"
He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog".
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"