Supper Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some churches are more fun than others. Believe it or not, these
actually appeared in various church bulletins:
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends
of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk, come early.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr. Johnson will
sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the little mothers
club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers please meet with the
pastor in his study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward
and lay an egg at the alter.
The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the
ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join
in.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
expenses of the new more...

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What?... Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

What were Jesus' last words at the last supper?

"Ok, all you guys who want to be in the picture,
get on THIS side of the table"

Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean?
a. It's hungry.
b. It's lost.
c. You're hungry.
d. Let the begging begin.
Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this?
a. Supper.
b. Something s/he obviously wouldn't eat.
c. Something to keep you going till supper's ready.
d. Inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the humans eat.
Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean?
a. You're in trouble - better not do it again.
b. Nothing - humans do this from time to time.
c. The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it.
d. It is time to chew on the cable wire again.
Staircases are for:
a. Getting up to the human's bed at 4am.
b. Lying in wait in the dark at the top of.
c. Walking down just slower than the human in front of it.
d. All of the above.
Your human talks/yells at you. You should:
a. Listen intently, even if you don't understand.
b. Meow in more...

'Apparently' taken from actual church bulletins:
1. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
2. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
3. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
4. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
5. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
6. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
8. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
9. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Bailey to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
10. The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the Choir!!
11. The Rector is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church more...

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins.
Don’t let worry kill you - let the church help.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4: 00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed” accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5: 00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” more...

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

Were these words actually printed in church bulletins or delivered during church services? Who cares!

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The sermon this morning:' Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight:' Searching for Jesus.'
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be' What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who more...