Supply Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. more...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away." The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer. The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy. The Polak says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes. Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather drunk. Finally, they release the Polak, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"

Banta And His Colleagues Were At Work One Day When They Decided To Get In On The Weekly Raffle. They Bought Tickets, Seeing It Was For Charity.
The Following Week, When The Raffle Was Drawn, They Each Won A Prize.
His Colleague Who Won The First Prize Got Six Month's Supply Of Cadbury's Chocolates.
Second Prize Winner Got Three Month's Supply Of Cadbury's Chocolates.
Banta Won The Tenth Prize - A Toilet Brush.
About A Week Later, At The Office Canteen, The First Prize Winner Asked The Others How They Were Enjoying Their Prizes.
"Great," Said The The Seond Prize Winner, "I Love Chocolates"
"So Do I," Said The First Prize Winner. "And How's The Toilet Brush?" He Asked Banta
"Not So Good," Banta Said, "I Think i'll Go Back To Paper."

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. “Could I please sit in that seat? ” he asked.
The lady was insulted. “You bloody Americans are so rude”, she said, “can’t you see my dog is sitting there”?
He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
“Lady I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit more...

The Stock Market simply illustrated. .. is there a lesson here?
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. more...

Tom, Dick and Harry were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Tom won the first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush. When they met in the pub a week later, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.' Great,' said Tom.' I love spaghetti.'' So do I,' said Dick.' And how's the toilet brush, Harry?'' Not so good,' Harry said,' I reckon I'll go back to paper...'

Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people will present these checks to their banks.
The name of the company: "The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."