Support Jokes / Recent Jokes

Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:

Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Support: "What sort of trouble?"

Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",

Support: "Went away?"

Customer:"They disappeared."

Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer: "Nothing."

Support: "Nothing?"

Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Customer: "How do I tell?"

Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Support: "Never more...

Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup more...

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the
flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5. 0.

In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9. 5 and Personal Attention 6. 5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as Return-Home- Early 4. 2.
Conversation 8. 0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to
no avail.

What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5. 0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1. 0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me. html" and try more...

Goebel's Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer: “I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer. ” (Training stresses that we are “not the Soft-ware Police, ” so I let the little act of piracy slide.)
Tech Support: “Umm-hmm. What happened? ”
Customer: “As I put each disk in it turns out they weren’t initialized. ”
Tech Support: “Do you remember the message exactly, ma’am? ”
Customer:(proudly) “I wrote it down. ‘This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it’? ”
Tech Support: “Er, what happened next? ”
Customer: “After they were initialized all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can’t read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong? ”

The Technologically Challenged Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there'sstill hope: 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies. 5. A Dell more...

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- Drink' til she's cute, but stop before the wedding

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

- I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

- I intend to live forever - so far, so good

- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

- Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

- Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people more...