Surgery Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery. ”
The lady asks, “How do I do it without surgery? ”
“Just rub toilet paper between them. ”
Startled the lady asks, “How does that make them bigger? ”
“I don’t know, but it worked for your ass. ”

1. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
2. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
3. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing more...

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she says "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?" The man replied, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!"

There once lived a man named Jack. Jack was very unfortunate in that that he eyes having always bulged out every since he hit puberty. It was a very big problem for Jack, because no girls were every attracted to him. The bulging eyes were a big turn-off. Finally, after some consideration Jack goes to the doctor with his problem, always too embarrassed to go in the past. After closely listening to Jack's problem and after long examination, the doctor tells the Jack that there's only one way to solve Jack's problem, and that way is to cut off Jack's balls. Jack completely rejects the solution at first, but then begins to think that what good are his balls if he can't get laid anyway. And, since his bulging eyes are keeping him from getting laid in the first place, maybe losing his balls for the sake of looking normal wasn't such a bad idea. So, a day later Jack returns to the doctor and tells him to cut off his balls. Jack goes through with the surgery, and behold, the day after the more...

A nurse from england was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading:"Keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in a white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves.
This happens a second time.
The third time this happens, she says, "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"
The man replies, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!"