Susie Jokes / Recent Jokes
The teacher was asking her grade school students what their parents did for a living. "Ricky, you can be first. Tell us what your mother does all day."
"My mother is a doctor," Ricky proudly said.
"That's wonderful, Ricky. How about you, Susie?" the teacher asked.
Susie stood up and told the class that her father was a mailman.
"Thank you, Susie," said the teacher. "Now you, Billy. What does your father do?"
Standing up, Billy proudly announced, "My father drinks, murders people and steals their money."
Aghast at his comments, the teacher changed the subject and decided to pay a visit to Billy's house later in the day. When she arrived at his house and rang the doorbell, his father answered the door. She explained to him what Billy had said and asked if there might be a logical explanation for it.
"Actually, I'm an attorney, but how do I explain a thing like that to a seven year old?" the more...
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who said' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'? Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD that Susie answered first. The teacher asked, "Who said,' I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before that Mary answered first. The teacher asked, "Who said' Ask not, what your country can do for more...
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, a cell phone for their first anniversary.
Susie was excited about the phone and the next day, while shopping, it rang and to her surprise, it was her husband.
"Hi, Susie," he said. "How do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand..."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you". Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here". He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?" The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
As soon as they finished making love, Susie jumped up from the bed and started packing her suitcase. "What on Earth are you doing? " asked her puzzled husband. "In Las Vegas I could get two hundred dollars for what I gave you for free," she pointed out, "so I'm moving to Las Vegas." This was enough to provoke her husband to jump up and begin packing his bags.
"What're you up to?" asked Susie in surprise. "I'm following you to Las Vegas," he replied. "I've got to see you live off six hundred dollars a year."
On their first date, Bob and Susie sat in the dark theater waiting for the movie to begin. The screen finally lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand. Bob and Susie noticed the sound was missing. The film began but silence continued. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote?"
(via Aiken Drum, Rodney & Cathy, HorridScopes)
In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie.
Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette."
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"