Swimming Jokes / Recent Jokes

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Three whales were swimming in the ocean,- mummy whale and two baby whales when along came a harpooning ship and harpooned mummy whale. Baby whales were quite upset and so they discussed a plan of action.
"Right" said baby whale 1, "Let's go under the harpooning ship and blow water out our spouts and tip the boat over!!!"
"Alright" said baby whale 2, so they did and all the sailors were tossed out of the boat and were left swimming around.
Baby whale 1 said to baby whale 2 "Let's eat some of these bastards", but baby whale 2 said "No! I'll do a blowjob but I'm not swallowing any seamen"

The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which laid on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said:' You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.'

' Impossible', said the embarrassed man,' You really know what I think?'

' Yes', the lady replied,' I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it.'

The U.S. had its worst showing at the World Swimming Championship in fifteen years. Luckily for them, no one knew until we just told you.

A blonde, brunette and a red-head were trapped on a island 20 miles from shore. The red-head started swimming and got tired after 2 miles and turned around and swam back. Then the brunette started to swim and after 7 miles of swimming she turned back. The blonde jumped in and swam 17 miles got tired and turned back.

There is three girls in a 1000metre swimming race one Blonde swims 500metres and saids i am too tired i have to go back!!!

A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it. She decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed. Just as she was about to dive in, the orchard owner appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming was prohibited.
"You could have told me that before I undressed!" she scolded him.
He replied, "Swimming is prohibited, undressing isn't."