Swings Jokes / Recent Jokes

body: A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading: "Don't Miss The Amazing Italian." Curious, he buys a ticket.
The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it is an old retired Italian. Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Italian is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same: "Don't Miss the Amazing Italian." He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket.
Again, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Italian stands before more...

One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer teed up his ball. After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole.
Just before he swings, a woman in a wedding gown comes running up from the parking lot. She's got tears streaming down her face.
Just as she reaches the raised tee, she screams out, "I can't believe it! How could you do that?" The golfer calmly takes a swing and drives the ball straight down the fairway.

A priest and a drunk man were playing golf together. The priest told the drunk to tee off first. The drunk swings and, of course, misses. "Damn, I missed!" he says.
The priest tells the drunk to watch his language. The drunk tells the priest to just shut up, swings again, and misses again. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.
The priest says, "If you say that again, the heavens are going to part and God will strike you down!"
The drunk just shrugs and swings again, missing badly. "Damn, I missed AGAIN!" he says.
Suddenly, the heavens part and a lightning bolt strikes... the priest. Then a loud, booming voice says, "DAMN, I MISSED!"

A priest and a lawyer go golfing. The lawyer goes first. He takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "Do not say that or God will strike you down."
On the next hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "If you say that one more time God will strike you down."
On the third hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" Suddenly a huge lightning bolt comes down from the sky and hits the priest. And then a big voice from above says, "DAMN IT, I MISSED!"

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

Tarzan swings through the air
Tarzan loses his underwear
Tarzan says "Me no care,
Jane make me another pair."
Boy swings through the air
Boy loses his underwear
Boy says "Me no care,
Jane make me another pair."
Cheetah swings through the air
Cheetah loses his underwear
Cheetah says "Me no care,
Jane make me another pair."
Jane swings through the air
Jane loses her underwear
Jane says "Me no care,
Tarzan like me better bare!"

A little boy put on his baseball uniform and went outside to play, chanting "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike one!
He adjusts his hat and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
He throws the ball in the air, swings and misses. Strike two!
He adjusts his hat a little more, takes a couple of practice swings and says, "I'm the best baseball hitter in the world!"
Once more, he throws the ball in the air, swings and misses again. Strike three!
He thinks about what just took place for a few moments, then says, "I'm the best pitcher in the world!!"