Switch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why did the Navy switch to liquid soap?
A: It's harder to pick up.

Hello. Tech Support; may I help you? "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?" "They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing.""Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug? ]"Does your monitor more...

Yo Mama is like a light switch even a 4 Year old can turn her on!

Teacher:-Pls; tell what the fastest thing in the world is
Student 1:- light
Teacher:-why is that?
Student 1:-once switch on other end bulb gives light with no time.
Student 2:- i believe mind
Teacher: - why do u think so
Student 2:-can think anything we want & achieve it in dream with no time
Student 3:- I believe LOOSE MOTION
Teacher: - why is that?
Student 3:- Yesterday I couldn’t even think & even switch on the light sheet pass without giving any chance to think both options, so i believe loose motion is the world fastest thing.

A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting
to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner,
strapping him in.
"No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and
nothing happened.
Under this particular State's law, if an execution attempt fails, the
prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released.
Then the biologist was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?"
"No, just get on with it."
The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the
biologist was released.
Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.
"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over,
you might make this thing work."

These three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a fighting Texas Aggie more...

Engineer Terminology
1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM - We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The damn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING - We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE more...