Tail Jokes / Recent Jokes

A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, “What’s the problem officer? ”
Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. ”
Man: “No sir, I was going 65. ”
Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80. ” (The man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. ”
Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light! ”
Wife: “Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks. ” (The man gives his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt. ”
Man: “Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. ”
Wife: “Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt. ”
The man turns to his wife and yells, “SHUT YOUR MOUTH! ”
The Officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time? ”
The wife says, more...

There's a man and his wife who own a pub, and have a dog called Fido, who's 24, which is very old for a dog. One day the dog tragically dies, and they bury him but keep his tail separate as a memorial. That night, the man hears a strange noise and rushes downstairs to find the dog's ghost, demanding for his tail back. The man was just about to give the tail back when the wife rushed down and said:'Don't give it back! Don't give it back!''Why?' asked the man.'You're not allowed to retail spirits after 12: 00!'

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle."Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks."When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied."Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe."Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river
deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites
the elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same
river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that
bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can,
sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the
giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no
reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!"
exclaimed the giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

An Antartian was driving home on the freeway after work when she was hit by a hailstorm that left her car completely dented all over. She decided to go to a body shop and asked the owner how much he would charge to remove the dents. Seeing that she was an antartian, he winked at his partner, and told her it wouldn't cost anything if she followed his instructions carefully.
She drove home and when her antartian roommate came out of the house she found her friend sitting on the ground at the back of the car blowing really hard in the tail pipe.
"What on earth are you doing" she asked.
Her friend looking up with big smile and a black ring around her mouth said "The man at the body shop told me that I could save a lot of money on repair work if I blew really hard into the tail pipe. he said that all the dents would pop out"
"Daaahhh" said her friend, "but first you have to roll up all the windows!!!"

While practicing auto-rotations during a military
night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up
the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The
landing was so hard that it broke off the tail
boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained
upright on its skids, sliding down the runway
doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a
brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio
exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, tower, we ain't done
crashin' yet."

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor.
The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."