Tail Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Eagle is circling at about 5, 000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: "Tail gunner to pilot... Tail gunner to pilot.."The eagle says "what do you want?"The mouse asks how high up they are. The eagle thinks for a moment and then says "ohh about 5, 000 ft."The mouse then replies "You wouldn't be shittin me now would ya??"

Someone had kicked a dent in the door of the blonde's car so she took it to a mechanic to get it fixed. The mechanic thought that seeing as she was a blonde, he would joke with her. He told her to take her car home, get behind it, blow on the tail pipe and that would pop the dent out.
So she took her car home and began blowing on the tail pipe when another blonde came up to her and asked what the heck she was doing.
The blonde said, "The mechanic told me to blow on the tail pipe and that would blow the dent in the door right out."
The other blonde shook her head and said, "You dumb blonde, don't you know you have to roll the windows up first!"

It seems that a golfer came in from the course with contusions about the throat; he could hardly talk. His friends asked him what happened to him out there.
In a very scratchy voice and with much effort he said, "Well, when I teed off on the sixteenth hole I sliced the damn thing so bad that it went entirely over the rough and into the cow pasture. So, I climbed the fence to look for my ball, but I couldn't find it in the high grass.
Just then I noticed something white sticking in a cow's ass. I lifted up her tail and looked, but it was a Dunlop and I was playing a Spaulding. Suddenly, this lady was climbing the fence - she was looking for her ball too.
So I lifted up the cow's tail and pointed and said, 'Lady, does this look like your's?' And she hit me in the throat with a five iron."

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. "Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?" If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good." "Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...." "I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to more...

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and thWork jokesed great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. ThWork jokesed fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

Ol' farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who
should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting
up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had
to go up and say something to him.
"Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business
these days?"
If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his
face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.
"John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I
can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just
gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for
good."
"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you
got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...."
"I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow
gets more ornery as the more...

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.