Tall Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and starts chatting with a tall, attractive blonde woman. During the course of the conversation he says would you like to hear a' blonde' joke?
"Well", says the girl, "I'm obviously blonde, I'm 6 feet tall without heels and I've been training in judo for the past 5 years."
Raising her voice slightly she went on, "My flatmate's blonde, she's 6 feet 2 inches tall, has been involved in karate for 10 years, she's a black belt and has been Southern Counties Ladies' Champion for the past 3 years.
Lastly she added "My next door neighbor's blonde, she weighs over 200 pounds and is a professional womens' wrestler, do you still want to tell the joke about a blonde? "
"Well no" came the reply, "Not if I've got to explain it 3 times".
Why do Apes like tall buildings? They want to climb the heights of the business world!
Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty. Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Cheerleader or if she is PMS’ing: sees fat/pimples/UGLY. (Mom I can’t go to school looking like this!) Age 20: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too/short/too tall, too straight/too curly”- but decides she’s going anyway. Age 30: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly” but decides she doesn’t have time to fix it, so she goes anyway. Age 40: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/ too thin, too short/to tall too straight/too curly”- but says: “At least I’m clean” and goes anyway. Age 50: Looks at herself and sees “I am” and goes where ever she wants to. Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can’t even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and more...
A lady had a height problem - she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall. She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car... So she visited an expert. The expert said:"Go visit the Dwarven Town. It's full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he'll marry you. Every time a dwarf says 'no,' you grow 10 cm shorter!"The lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter. She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home. She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her. The dwarf replied:"No, no, no, no, no...! I don't want to marry a tall person like you! You're too tall! No, no, no, no, no!"
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, “Why are you eating grass? ”
“We don’t have no money for food, ” the first man replied.
“Then you must come with me to my house, ” insisted the lawyer.
“But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here, ” said the man.
“Bring them along! ” replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, “I got a wife and six kids! ”
“Bring them as well! ”, the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you. ”
The lawyer replied, “I’m most happy to do it. You’ll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall. ”