Tall Jokes / Recent Jokes
A horse wanders into a bar and orders a tall one. The bartender says, "Hey fella, why the long face?"
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position?
The pilot responded "I more...
Women's Lifestyles Through the Ages
AGE... DRINK
17... Winecoolers
25... White wine
35... Red wine
48... Dom Perignon
66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17... Need to wash my hair
25... Need to wash and condition my hair
35... Need to color my hair
48... Need to have Francois color my hair
66... Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
FAVORITE DRUG
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17... "Burger King"
25... "Free meal"
35... "A diamond"
48... "A bigger diamond"
66... "Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17... tall, dark and handsome
25... tall, dark and more...
Yo Mama is like a 5 foot tall basketball hoop, it ain't that hard to score!
A little guy got into an elevator and when he looked up, he saw a HUGE man standing next to him.
Noticing the little guy staring up at him, the huge man looked down and said, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds each testicle, Turner Brown."
The little guy immediately fainted and fell to the floor. The big guy knelt down and started slapping and shaking him to bring him to. "What wrong with you?" he asked the little guy.
Trembling, the little guy uttered in a very weak voice, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you say to me?"
"Well, when I saw the curious look on your face, I thought I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me," replied the huge man. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 pounds, have a 20 inch penis, each testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown."
"Oh, thank God!" exclaimed the little guy. "I thought you said turn around!"
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works...
"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads:
"All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome."
Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, more...
Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown."
Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"
The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said' Turn Around!'"