Tapping Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sung to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is tapping,
Your phone.

He's buggin your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And runnin a tail
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone

He hears you in the bedroom
Surveils you out of doors
And if that doesn't get the goods
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So you mustn't assume
That you are secure
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone...

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror. A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now."

All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled. more...

To: Windows R & D
From: Bill Gates
Re: Lack of progress in extending Windows interface to noncomputer environments
I am quite concerned about your recent report detailing what you call problems in extending the Windows interface to products other than computers. The growth of Microsoft is dependent on our ability to extend Windows to every aspect of business, home, and society. After all, we all own MS stock, and if you want to become a billionaire, too, you will, I'm sure, learn to minimize the effects of what others call reality and laws of physics. Here's some feedback on the first wave of Windows-ready products.
WINDOWS TOASTER:
This is one of the few products on which we have any agreement. You agree that tapping on a minimize arrow will lower the bread into the toaster and that tapping a maximize arrow will make the slices pop out again. But you complain that you can't figure out any way that double-clicking on the box will reduce the size of the toaster more...

Seen in the latest copy of Windows Sources Magazine
Reprinted without their permission.
To: Windows R & D
From: Bill Gates
Re: Lack of progress in extending Windows interface to noncomputer environments
I am quite concerned about your recent report detailing what you call problems in extending the Windows interface to products other than computers. The growth of Microsoft is dependent on our ability to extend Windows to every aspect of business, home, and society. After all, we all own MS stock, and if you want to become a billionaire, too, you will, I'm sure, learn to minimize the effects of what others call reality and laws of physics. Here's some feedback on the first wave of Windows-ready products.
WINDOWS TOASTER:
This is one of the few products on which we have any agreement. You agree that tapping on a minimize arrow will lower the bread into the toaster and that tapping a maximize arrow will make the slices pop out again. But you complain that you more...

You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.
So - you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.