Target Jokes / Recent Jokes

Lease a Nuke! Want power and respect? Want to influence the course of world events? Want to be on CNN every night? Tired of hum-drum conventional warfare and messy bio-chemical weapons? Want to watch the citizens of your favorite arcology squirm and sweat in constant nagging fear of instant and unexpected anhilation? Lease a nuclear device! In the wake of the former Soviet Union's demise, there are literally thousand of high-quality nuclear weapons complete with intercontinental delivery systems going unused. Though these systems are indeed powerful and destructive weapons of war, they are most effective when used in a more passive role. The US and USSR have proven in years of research and actual testing that nuclear devices are most effective when merely targeting an enemy. Actual detonation is not normally necessary to acheive tremendous effect in the designated target's military, political, economic and social well being. Imagine the boost in national pride and morale when you more...

Movie Why it works
It is dark, cold and you two can be in close physical proximity for two solid hours. Is this why Titanic, at 3 1/4 hours, was such a hit? Horror flicks or tear-jerkers are even better to elicit more skin contact. What to do
Men: Book a love seat, the ones whose arm-rests can be lowered at the newer cinemas.
Women: Wear a tube top or spaghetti straps, so you have an excuse to snuggle up for warmth. Bookstore Target
Any type you want - sporty, poetic, arty - the right browsers are all categorized neatly into sections. Hunting gear
The-stronger-the-better legs for standing around all day (the armchairs in Borders are always taken up). Acute eye-sight to see what the target is reading. Clubs and Pubs Target
Freewheeling, footloose party-goers who know their margaritas from their Macarena. Hunting gear
The-shorter-the-better clubbing togs. Well-versed in chat-up lines for every situation. Fort Canning Hill Why it works
This more...

One day, I went to the shooting gallery at the fair, one with the smiling clowns. I aimed and fired. Imagine my reaction when the target started yelling obscenities and charged.
"WOW! These fairs are really getting high-tech," I thought. Just to impress the girls watching, I held my ground and continued firing. Pretty soon, he lost all of his teeth, but he still kept coming. And that was some realistic blood! I aimed up at the forehead, and the target dropped like a rock. A security guard walked up to me and said, "How do you feel? You just killed a carnie, you sicko!"
"Wow, real carnival people!" I said, "I gotta get some of those for my shotgun at home! Carnies are cheaper than paper targets, and you don't have to worry about the guilt from killing the precious trees!"

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle. Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted more...

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

After the tragedy in New York and Washington the question arises: WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF Manila IS ATTACKED? Well. .. if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Manila, we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks. We do not have tall buildings. The only large structure that can be seen from above is the Marcos monument in Ilocos and terrorists are welcome to target that. We all get on the job late in the morning specially government employees, so at 8: 45 there won't be sufficient people to kill (well, not even at 10 am!). Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them. The national airline would surely have fouled up the terrorists plans by being delayed again or crash before even getting to the target due to mechanical troubles. A Pinoy would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it more...

One of Microsoft`s finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It`s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"