Target Jokes / Recent Jokes
One of Microsoft's top technicians was drafted and sent off to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given instructions, a rifle and some bullets. After firing several shots at the target, the report from the target area indicated that all shots had completely missed.
The technician looked at his rifle, then the target, then looked at both again. Placing his finger over the end of the rifle barrel, he squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, which prompted him to yell toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"
Lease a Nuke!
Want power and respect? Want to influence the course of world events? Want to be on CNN every night? Tired of hum-drum conventional warfare and messy bio-chemical weapons? Want to watch the citizens of your favorite arcology squirm and sweat in constant nagging fear of instant and unexpected anhilation?
Lease a nuclear device!
In the wake of the former Soviet Union’s demise, there are literally thousand of high-quality nuclear weapons complete with intercontinental delivery systems going unused.
Though these systems are indeed powerful and destructive weapons of war, they are most effective when used in a more passive role. The US and USSR have proven in years of research and actual testing that nuclear devices are most effective when merely targeting an enemy. Actual detonation is not normally necessary to acheive tremendous effect in the designated target’s military, political, economic and social well being.
Imagine the boost in national more...
One of Microsoft's finest techs was sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target. The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was completely blown off: The Microsoft tech yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"
It was decided by Microsoft during a brilliant brainstorming session that military service would improve the skills and discipline of their finest technician. So off to boot camp he went.
At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets.
He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again.
"Hmmm.," he thought, "I'll get to the bottom of this in no time."
He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He pointed his still loaded rifle at the ground in front of him and fired. A cloud of dust kicked up, and a little dimple was left there in the dust.
"Yep, it's working," he concluded.
The technician yelled out to the others at the target end, "The rifle is in working order, and the bullet seems to be more...
The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was LtGen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for the allies.
The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded in combat and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress)
At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th. Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika". All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your chance of being Killed was 71%.
Not that bombers were helpless. A B-17 carried 4 tons of bombs more...
To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday: Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target.... Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation? A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem..... Q. Does India have cars? A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes. Q. Does India have TV? A. No. We more...