Tattoo Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman wants to surprise her husband by getting a tatoo. she goes to the parler and gets a tattoo of Mike Tyson on the right thigh, and a tattoo of Evander Holyfeild(sp) on the left thigh. she goes home and shows her husband. Her husband says, "That's supposed to be Mike and Evander? That doesn't look like Mike and Evander!" The wife starts crying and runs out. She's in the middle of the street, and she takes off all her clothes. She decides to ask the next man who walks buy if her tattoos look like Mike and Evander. She stops a guy and asks him, and the guy says, "No, they don't look like Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield, but the one in the middle looks a hell of a lot like Don King!"

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says. "It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says. "It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"
He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the more...

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says.
"It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says.
"It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"
He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along more...

Dear Dr. Verne:
I'm gonna be gittin' a tattoo removed from my most womanly bod. Being of the good redneck breeding that I'm is, I's worried about affectin' my good standing. I can offer you no better reason than my old man don't like me having my ex-old man's name writ on me, so I'ms getting rid of it.
Verne, please tell me straight: Am I getting woosified? Or should I replace the tattoo with his name?
- Worried in Des Moines
Dear Worried:
It all depends on which kinda tattoo you got. Now if you got the ex's name with the old rose on the ankle or the heart on the boob, I'd lose the damn thing. Ever since them sorority chicks named Tiffany started doing it, guys might figure you's an inferior yuppie babe which talks in that high chipmunk voice and you'll never get to growing your butt out to a decent size.
But if you got one of them giant serpents that covers your back, that's class. I'd keep that baby and just cross out the ex's name with some spray paint and more...

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work."Who the heck's that?" she says."It's Paul McCartney", he replies."Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says."It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the drunk more...

A woman is picked up by a basketball player in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt and she sees that on his arm is a tattoo which reads Reebok. She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it.

He says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for the advertisement."

A bit later, his pants are off and she sees Puma tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word Aids tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has Aids!"

He says, "It's cool baby...in a minute it's going to say Adidas.

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room.
He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok".
She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement."
A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg.
He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo.
Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis.
She jumps back with shock.
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"
He says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS".