Tech Jokes / Recent Jokes

Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article: 1.Compaq is considering changing thecommand "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood ofcalls asking where the "Any" key is. 2.AST technical support had a callercomplaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turnedout to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3.Another Compaq technician receiveda call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from hisold diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into thetypewriter to type the labels. 4.Another AST customer was asked tosend a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from thecustomer along with photocopies of the floppies. 5.A Dell technician more...

This is a true story from a place where I used to work...
A man called in to tech support for his internet service and explained to
the technician that everytime he got on the Internet, he got shocked. The
tech first thought that maybe he was just surprised, but the man actually
meant he was SHOCKED. The tech and the man troubleshoot for a little over
an hour to try and find out what the problem was. Finally the man told the
tech that everytime I get on the Internet, I get shocked... when I lick
the monitor with pictures of nude women. Needless to say the tech had to
disconnect the call because he was laughing too much to continue the
conversation.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels. 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes. 5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put more...

I work at an ISP doing tech support. The most common question I get are
from "hillbilly" callers. Most of them don't know that they are even
connected.... On the bright side a few of them do... only to *sigh*
comment, "I got a really fast connection, but I thought there was so much
more to the Internet than this damn clock."
My favorite has been from former AOL users, "I've been watching this clock
ticking for about an hour and a half and nothing has happened yet!"

& Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2, 025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.

"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2, 025 pigs?" she asked.

"Yeth." lisped the farmer.

Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

One of Microsoft's tech support reps was drafted and sent to
boot camp. at the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a
rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The
report came from the target area that all attempts had
completely missed the target.
The Microsoft tech rep looked at his rifle and then at the
target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the
target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel
and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his
finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target
area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your
end!"

Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write' click' and I wrote
'click'.
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest
of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't,
however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: OK, did you type' click' with the keyboard?
Customer: I have done something dumb, right?