Technology Jokes / Recent Jokes

I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied,' I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?'' Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.' No, just this remote' thingy,'' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,' Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk.'

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Tech Support:' What does the screen say now.'

Person:' It says,' Hit ENTER when ready'.'

Tech Support:' Well?'

Person:' How do I know more...

At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus.

She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up!

We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem.

One of Microsoft's finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The Microsoft tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!

TOP TEN REASONS MICROSOFT INVESTED $150 MILLION IN APPLE

10. Bill Gates found spare change in his trousers
9. First and last month's rent on empty office space in Cupertino
8. Fee: Steve Jobs to give charisma lessons to Microsoft CEO
7. Two words: Rhapsody 98
6. Small price to pay for world domination
5. Bill to Larry: I own you now, too
4. Jobs and Woz threw in a signed Apple I as part of the deal
3. Best way to assure Gates a starring role in next Pixar
animated feature
2. Easier than bribing entire Justice Department
1. Strategic move: Apple users now hate Jobs more than Gates

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I wrote' click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type' click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

What is the difference between a Turing machine and the modern computer? It's the same as that between Hillary's ascent of Everest and the establishment of a Hilton hotel on its peak.