Technology Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why are men like computers?
A: As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer you couldn't have gotten a better model!
Motto for a research laboratory: What we work on today, others will first think of tomorrow.
- Nice Set of Floppies!
- Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.
- I'd like to play on your laptop.
- Need me to unzip your files?
- If you were an ISP, I'd dial you all day long!
- I'd like to boot up your PC!
- I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen!
- I've got a 21 inch... (monitor)
- I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video...
- Your homepage or mine?
I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the sales clerk over and asked, "What does' hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal.""In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs.""Exactly."
You can no longer sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz. You have to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers with laser printers.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all more...
Though the Chinese should adore APL, it's FORTRAN they put their money on.
Success is the active process of making your dreams real and inspiring others to dream. - James Anders Honeycutt
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Tact is the art of convincing people that they know more than they do.
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
Take this job and shove it.
Teamwork is essential; it allows you to blame someone else.
Technology makes it possible for people to gain control over everything, except over technology.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
The 5 P's: Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance