Technology Jokes / Recent Jokes
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on. . .
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes more...
' Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.' --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,1949
'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.' --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
'I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year.' --The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
'But what. .. is it good for?' --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
'The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a' C,' the idea must be feasible.' --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable more...
One does not learn computing by using a hand calculator, but one can forget arithmetic.
Why is E-Mail like the Penis?
-Those who have it would be devastated if it were cut off.
-Those who have it somehow believe those who don't are inferior.
-Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat but doubt it's worth all the fuss that those who have it make about it.
-Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call E-Male Envy.
-It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any work done.
-In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
-If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
-We attach an importance to it far greater than its size and influence warrant.
-If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.
WWW - World Wide Wait
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out
SCSI - System Can't See It
DOS - Defunct Operating System
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent more...
MICROSOFT TV DINNER PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: