Technology Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman called the Cannon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."

The woman then responded, "NO, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point...

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working just fine."

Computer Illiterate Support Call

' Hello, Support Desk, may I help you?'

'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?'

'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?'

'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]' Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'

'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]' Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'

'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...

The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog.

The man will be there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.

Re: Vacation
Pay Date: January 5, 2000

Dear Valued Employee:

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 102 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.

One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,430 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,224 months.

Sincerely,

Automated Payroll Processing

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter' P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a' P'."

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Computer Acronyms and what they really mean: PCMCIA -- People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN -- It Still Does Nothing
APPLE -- Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity
SCSI -- System Can't See It
DOS -- Defective Operating System
BASIC -- Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM -- I Blame Microsoft (or conversely' I Build Macs')
DEC -- Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM -- Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 -- Obsolete Soon Too
WWW -- World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH-- Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics
COBOL -- Completely Obsolete Buisiness Oriented Language
AMIGA -- A Merely Insignificant Gamers Addiction
LISP -- Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS -- Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS -- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT-- more...

Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to see it as a soap bubble?