Temperature Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment.
"This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor," he said, "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy."
"We'll see," the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach.
The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her.
The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away.
"Doctor, what are you doing?!?" he asked.
Flustered, the therapist replied, "Oh, it's you! I'm only more...

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately.He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest... and on, and on.One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature, General."After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer."Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told more...

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to heaven.
St. Peter said to his, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things too. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".
So, Bill takes a look at hell and sees these beautiful women running around, in 80 degree temperature, on beautiful beaches.
Then he took a look at heaven and it was nice, you know harps and singing and worship and stuff like that.
So he said to St. Peter that he would like to go to hell.
About a week later, St. Peter went down to hell to check on Bill. There he saw him, being whipped by demons.
He said to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women, and the beaches and the 80 degree temperature?"
Peter replied, "That was just the screen saver."

A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: "Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof."
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look more...

A Chicago man dies and goes to hell. When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says "sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here." The man says, "No problem. I'm from Chicago." So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes back to the Chicago man to see how he's doing. To the devil's surprise, the man is doing just fine. "No problem... just like Chicago in June," the man says. So the devil goes back over to the thermostat, and turns the temperature up to 150, and the humidity up to 90. He then goes back over to see how the Chicago man is doing. The man is sweating a little, but overall looks comfortable." No problem. Just like Chicago in July," the man says. So now the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 200, and the humidity up to 100. When he goes back to see how the man is doing, the man is sweating profusely, and more...

A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing.
After almost an more...

A man goes to the doctor complaining of a fever. The doctor examines him and perscribes him some tablets. But there was one catch. He had to take his temperature every day. Internally."you have to stick this themomiter up your anus," the doctor explains. "I'll show you now but I'm afraid it will hurt.""Thats ok," the man said. "I have a high pain threshold.The doctor stood beind him and jabbed it up sharply. He explained it had to be really deep to get the right reading. It took several painful tries to get it right. The man went out limping.The next day the man was ready to take his temperature. But he just couldn't get it as deep as the doctor had so he asked his wife to help.She stood beind him, put one hand on his shoulder and rammed it up his backside.The man screames and the wife immediatley stopped."Sorry! Did i hurt you?" she asked."No!" said the man. He was nearly crying. "I just realised that when the doctor did it, more...