Terrorist Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the NationText from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum. 10. 16 P. m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998Good evening. This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury. I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer. Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the media. As you know, in a deposition in January, I was asked questions about my more...

In addition to the $25 million fine it received, Chiquita Banana Brands International has also been ordered to air PSAs on U.S. radio stations:

I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say,
Bananas have to ripen in a certain way.
When they are fleck'd with brown and have a golden hue,
Never pay terrorists to protect you.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the confessed mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on America said a courtroom artist at his arraignment Thursday made his nose look too big.

He said nothing about the missing horns.

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
"You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"
The Englishman spoke first.
"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."
"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."
The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."
The terrorist turned finally to the more...

121. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo. 122. Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies? A: One's a bunch a cunning runts. .. 123 Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. 124. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. 125. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. 126. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley? A: The shopping trolley has a mind of its own! 127. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal? A: One's a busy ditch. 128. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet? A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. 129. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, more...

Senator Conrad “Grand Dragon” Burns, of Montana has pissed of another race of people. When he’s not calling his contractor a “Nice little Guatemalan man, who’s probably an illegal”, or saying Indian tribes might want to Tomahawk him, he’s pissing off fire-fighters saying they’re doing a piss-poor job. Now Mr. Charm has said that “Terrorist drive cabs during the day, and kill at night”. Which is bull, everyone knows the terrorists run vegetable stands not cabs.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What’s the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and buzzards?
A: Lawyers have removable wing tips.

Q: What’s the definition of a lawyer?
A: A mouth with a life support system.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A: No changes occur.

Q: What’s the difference between God and an attorney?
A: God doesn’t think he’s an attorney.