Thankful Jokes / Recent Jokes

Things that you should NOT do at a thanksgiving dinner!!

1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed!
2. Be thankful your computer isn't down!
3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down!
4. Be thankful you don't have The Good Times virus!
5. Be thankful your server isn't down!
6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse!
7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!
8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn't gain a pound!
9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn't 72!
10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection!
11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a more...

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN
I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt,
diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about
the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to -- north, south,
east or west. I don't get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do
drink I don't end up in tears. I won't spend hours deciding what to
wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I don't go around
checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I
don't whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why
get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing; I don't have to sit
around waiting for that ring. I don't gossip about friends or stab
them in the back; I don't carry our differences into the sack. I'll
never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out
there's trying to steal you. I'm rational, reasonable, and logical
too; I more...

The minister of the church was giving a Thanksgiving
service.
A ragged man in the audience asked, "What is there to be
thankful for?"
Surprised, the minister replied, "What is your name, sir?"
"Cause," was the reply.
"Well Cause, you could be thankful for your healthy body..."
"I'm blind and I have lung cancer"
"...or your family..."
"I don't have a family"
"...or your home..."
"I don't have a home."
"Well, then I guess your a lost Cause!"