Thief Jokes / Recent Jokes

[San Jose Mercury News]An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson . 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have more...

[San Jose Mercury News]An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson. 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have more...

Once there were two friends one had no brain his name was mad and one was very intelligent. One day mad was crying and the intelligent boy saw mad that he was crying so the intellingent asked mad that what is ur problem and mad answered that the thief stole his cow. So the intelligent boy said that go to police station and file and fir. So the mad said that i dont know how to file an fir. the intelligent boy told him that go to the police station and tell the police officer that somebody stole his cow and that day stars were shinning, dogs were barking and the theif picked up the cow and ran away. So the mad went to the police station and said this to the police officer: "somebody stole my cow, and that day stars were barking, dogs were shinning and the cow picked up the thief and ran away. the police officer!!!!!!

Who was the world's greatest thief? Atlas, because he held up the whole world!

Lem: ''I got fired from my job as a bank guard.''
Clem: ''That's awful. What happened?''
Lem: ''Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.''
Clem: ''What did thief do then?''
Lem: ''He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!''

The old adage that "It takes a thief to catch a thief" may indeed be true.
But these days there's a 3rd thief involved pleading the case - the lawyer.

From Seattle, Washington comes the story of a group of cops who couldn't tell the good guys from the bad.

It all began when an 18 year old bozo stole a police car and a cop on bicycle patrol reported seeing the stolen vehicle. A patrol car arrived on the scene and was waiting at a stop light when a second patrol car arrived.

The officer in the second car thought the driver of the first car was our bozo thief and proceeded to ram the vehicle with his car. The officer in the first car thought he was being attacked by the stolen car driver and opened fire. The officer in the second car returned fire and more that twenty shots were fired before the officers realized their mistake. Fortunately, no one was injured.

In the meantime, our bozo thief thought better of things and drove the stolen patrol car to a police station and gave himself up.