Thief Jokes / Recent Jokes
In a 4 story building there lived 4 people:
On the 1st floor lived a cop
On the 2nd floor lived a thief
On the 3rd floor lived a blind man
On the 4th floor lived a very clean woman that took alot of showers.
One day the woman on the 4th floor got into the shower. She heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" she asked, "It's the cop".
So the woman pur her robe on and went to open the door. "Wish me Mazel Tov!" said the cop. The woman asked him why, and he said: "Because I caught all the thiefs except one!". She says Mazel Tov and goes back to the shower.
She heard another knock on the door. "Who is it?" she asked, "It's the thief". So the woman pur her robe on and went to open the door. "Wish me Mazel Tov!" said the thief. The woman asked him why, and he said: "Because the cop caught all the thiefs exept me!". She says Mazel Tov and goes back to the shower.
Another knock was more...
Here's a joke I "appropriated" from an old TV show:
Police: Mr. Johnson, we have just arrested a thief carrying several
credit cards with Mrs. Johnson's name on them.
Mr. Johnson: Tell the thief he can keep them.
Police: But don't you want your credit cards back?
Mr. Johnson: No. He's been spending only about half as much as
Mrs. Johnson.
Copied from Ann Landers column who received it from John Wherle, Graffiti Magazine columnist.
Dear John Wehrle: Thanks for sending these on. They cracked me up. Here goes:
A thief stole a van in Chicago without realizing that its owner was sitting on the roof. The owner managed to hang onto the top of the car during a ride on the interstate at speeds of up to 65 mph. When the thief pulled over and got out of the car, the owner jumped on him and held him down until the police arrived.
In Virginia, a bank robber was nabbed because he made the classic mistake of returning to the scene of the crime. He was collared after he tried to deposit some of the loot into the same bank he had held up a month earlier. He was recognized because the same teller waited on him both times.
At a Topeka, Kan., convenience store, a robber who discovered there wasn't very much money in the cash register tied up the clerk and waited on customers for three hours in order to increase his more...
The police are looking for a thief with one eye Why don't they use two?
In a church it was realised that somebody was stealing their money. So the Pastor decided to catch the thief himself.He went and hide behind Jesus picture{a catholic church}. As the theif want to steal the money the Pastor shouted, the tried again and the Pastor shouted again.Then the theif realised that the voice was coming from Jesus side as soon as the Pastor shouted the third time, the thief replied shut up your Mother that is older than you not talking what authority do you have to talk.
A 24-year-old supermarket shoplifter stuffed a pair of live lobsters in his pants and sprinted for the door, but he never had a chance. The violated crustaceans brought the thief to his knees in front of startled cashiers when they fastened their powerful claws around his delicate parts.
Doctors were able to remove the animals with pliers. They say the thief will fully recover -- except for one small detail. "It was a do-it-yourself vasectomy."
The supermarket manager declined to press charges, saying the culprit has already "gone through enough pain (to) learn his lesson."