Thigh Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says.
"It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says.
"It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"
He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along more...
A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart".She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows off the dust and admires his work."Who the heck's that?" she says."It's Paul McCartney", he replies."Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll report you".So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says."It bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the drunk more...
As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... John
Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.
The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His more...
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a
tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She
also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey. So the guy does it
and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa
Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it
comes out looking good too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the
tattoo artist says "if you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put
such unusal tattoos on your thighs?" She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband
complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving
and Christmas."
A woman, who was a die-hard political activist, went to a tatoo parlor and had a picture of Bob Dole etched on one thigh - high up - ever so close to the bikini line. Then she had a picture of Bill Clinton added to the other thigh - high up - ever so close to the bikini line.
That night she went to her political club and, spreading her legs wide apart to show her new tatoos, she asked a man who had always been politically non-comittal, whom he favored, Bill Clinton on the left, or Bob Dole on the right.
He said, Well... I'm leaning toward Ross Perot, there in the center!
Category: Bar Jokes Type: Stories Audience: Adult
THANKSGIVING & CHRISTMAS
MIKE WALKED INTO A PUB AND SAT DOWN AT THE BAR. HE ASK THE BAR TENDER FOR A BEER. MIKE THEN NOTICED A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMEN SITTING DOWN IN A SHORT SKIRT AT A TABLE ACROSS THE WAY. HE DIDN'T WANT TO STARE, SO HE KEPT GLANCING AT HER CONTINOUSLY.
HE NOTICED THAT SHE HAD A TATOO ON HER INNER THIGH. MIKE LOOKED HARDER AND SAW IT WAS A TATOO OF A TURKEY. MIKE THOUGHT... A TURKEY? HE COULDN'T LEAVE IT ALONE, SO HE KEPT LOOKING AND SHE MOVED JUST ENOUGH TO SEE THE OTHER THIGH. IT HAD A DAMN TATOO OF SANTA CLAUSE ON IT. MIKE FINISHED HIS BEER AND HE HAD ENOUGH, IT WAS BUGGING THE HELL OUT OF HIM. SO MIKE GOT UP, AND WENT OVER TO THE YOUNG LADY AND SAID, "EXCUSE ME, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THE TWO TATOO'S YOU HAVE ON YOUR THIGHS... I WAS CURIOUS WHY A TURKEY AND A PICTURE OF SANTA CLAUSE?" THE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY BLUSHED A LITTLE AND SHE REPLIED, " I WAS ALWAYS TOLD IT WAS GOOD EATING more...