Thirty Jokes / Recent Jokes
A couple gets married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs.
Her husband starts to cry.
She says, "What's the matter?"
He says, "Thirty years ago I couldn't wait to eat it. Now it looks like it can't wait to eat me."
An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" "Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg,
Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah... all da same."
P.S. Chinese Juice - Chinese Jews. Geddit? There's a joke about it more...
A couple married thirty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.
The woman said,
"Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here thirty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and they made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darling, you sure never moved like That thirty years ago, or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "thirty years ago that fence wasn't electrified!"
For thirty Years I have been a Travel Agent, serving our legislators and their staffs. This is how I know we're in trouble!
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the plane, so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. (click).
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I more...
A woman in Baton Rouge, Louisiana is suing Nintendo for "unspecified damages"
after her thirty year old son died during a marathon session on his N64.
Apparently the unfortunate man died after hitting his head on a table during a
seizure while playing with the console. While this was obviously a tragic loss
for the family involved, it's hard to feel much sympathy for them once you start
to read the details of the accident.
According to the report from the Associated Press, the man first started
suffering seizures after buying his N64 in 1999, but ignoring this inconvenience
he carried on playing on the console for anything up to eight hours a day, six
days a week.
This despite the now standard epilepsy warning that comes with every Nintendo
game, informing players that "some people may have seizures or black outs
triggered by light flashes, such as while playing video games, even if they have
never had a seizure more...
Thirty years ago, when the Air Force needed a large cargo plane, it
put out a list of specifications that took up less than 8 pages.
Lockheed responded with a proposal 3/4" thick, which resulted in
a huge plane named the Hercules. In 1980, when the Air Force needed
a new cargo plane, it issued specifications that took up 2,750 pages.
Lockheed's proposal alone weighed 6,600 pounds. To deliver it, the
company used one of the old Hercules cargo planes.
- John Tierney, in Science 85