Throw Jokes / Recent Jokes

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one." The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?" So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, r and I hadn't had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my more...

David Beckham decides to try horseback riding, even though he hasn't had any
lessons or prior experience. He mounts the horse unassisted and the horse
immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace as
Posh stands back in admiration, but then he begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror he grabs the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He
tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the side of
the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping
rider.
Finally, he gives up his frail grasp and he attempts to leap away from the horse
and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the
stirrup, now he is now at the mercy of the horses pounding hooves as his head is
struck against the ground over and over.
Posh stands there frantic, unable to do anything to help as his head is battered
against the ground. He is mere more...

An Antartian decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the Antartian begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to
safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when...Stan the Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.
Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."
Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."
Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."
Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."

Bill Clinton was in an airplane and he told to his friend: "You know, if a throw this 1000 bill, i could make very happy 1 man".
His friend told him:"yes, but if you drop 2 bills of 500 you could make happy 2 guys".
One man who was listening all told them:"thats true, but if I throw you both, i could make happy all the nation".

A man walks into a bar and orders a round of drinks for the house, a shot for himself and a shot for the bartender. After everyone takes their drink the bartender turns to the man and says “That’ll be $89. ” The man looks at the bartender and says “Sorry I don’t have any money. ” The bartender then proceeds to kick the shit out of the man and throw him out. The next day same man comes walking into the bar. He then proceeds to order a round of drinks for the house, a shot for himself and a shot for the bartender. After everyone finishes their drink the bartender says “That’ll be $96. ” Man says, “Sorry but I don’t have any money. ” The bartender again proceeds to kick his ass and throw him out. The next day AGAIN the same man comes walking into the bar. The bartender thinks to himself, “He can’t be THAT stupid he has to have brought money! ” The guy sits down and orders a round of drinks for the house and a shot for himself. The bartender then asks “What more...