Thy Jokes / Recent Jokes

DAILY PRAYER
Our fileserver, who art on LAN
NETSERVER be thy name
Thy programmes come
Thy commands be done
In DOS, and sometimes in WINDOS
Give us this day our daily login
And forgive us our hacking
As we forgive those who hack in our files
Lead us not into corrupt procedures
But deliver our email
For thine is the CPU, the powersource and the monitor
For ever until obsolescence
Hey, mon...

Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watchest me eat.
Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.
Thou shalt not roll in any smelly stuff thy findeth in the yard.
Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making licking and popping noises.
Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.
Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.
Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.
Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat’s litter box.
Thou shalt not WATCHEST the cat while she is in her litterbox. (she liketh her privacy)
Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou hast been offended by me!
Thou shalt not run away in pursuit of a good time. (thou hast been neutered)
Thou shalt refrain from coughing and gagging while we have company.
Thou shalt not hide thy bones under my pillow.
Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encountereth.
Thou shalt not sneak up more...

Through infinite myst, software reverberatesIn code possess'd of invisible folly. Wilt thou dare interfaceWith thy Apple Macintosh keypadBy toggling my tweaky bosom? Alack! Leave laserjet laughter to the laptop lover. Behold beta beauty in a keyboard's keen kindness. Now yet torment thy melancholy hardwareBy always vexing the amorous flameOf thine model motherboard. This tyrant widget conceals scuzzy gamesAnd pleasure treasured dear: Then kiss me. Celestial evil's idolatrous template within AOLWill deceive some cybersex usersAnd email "cancel our service." Tis a rare tongueThat many maiden bugs command, Revealing bounteous distress, Trashing bold memory: Click and crash gloriously. Weep not, beauteous Microsoft! Hereafter reboot.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.

Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at more...

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland
(Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz

Convection's cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood basalts the land did drown,
And clastics coarse fell all around, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

Iapetus began to spread, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Detritus from thy coast was shed, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy slope was draped, so proud and great, with massive banks of carbonate,
Grand bank to meet so sad a fate, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

For flysch encroaching from the east, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Devoured thy margin like a beast, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
The ocean floor was raised on high, its mafic head reared to the sky;
Its chromous threat was drawing nigh, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

Your more...

Our Morning Prayer. . .

Our Hard Drive
Which art internal
Volume C by name;
Thy code be clean,
Thy fonts be seen
On screen as they are on paper.
Give us this day our documents,
And lead us not into fragmentation
But deliver us our data.
For thine is the SCSI,
And the EISA, and the NuBus,
Forever and Ever,

Amen.

An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says. . . And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)". Abraha} thkught long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums, as long as he could have his way more...