Tinned Jokes / Recent Jokes

Disaster in Hull
An Appeal for Your Help
A major earthquake measuring 5. 2 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Epicentre: Hull, England.
News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by the town's 35, 000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fookinhell" and "choffin-norah".
The earthquake decimated the town, causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearic Isles and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken up well before their Giro arrived. Radio Hull reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Hull.
One resident of Bransholme, 15 year old mother of 3, Tracy Sharon Braithwaite said: "It was such a shock, my little more...

Mother bought a huge turkey for Christmas dinner.
'That must have cost a fortune!' I said.
'Actually I got it for a poultry amount,' she said.
A man went to a butcher's and saw that the turkeys were 90p a pound. He said to the butcher,' Do you raise them yourself?'
'Of course I do,' the butcher replied.' They were only 50p a pound this morning!'
How do you tell the difference between tinned turkey and tinned custard?
Look at the labels!
Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
It was looking forward to Christmas!
Who made this Christmas pudding?
Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.
What did he use to make it?
Elf-raising flour, of course.
Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!
I'd like Father Christmas stew.
Er... how do you make Father Christmas stew?
You keep him waiting half an hour!
Is that more...

Ah, the things that drop into my mailbox... A fellow who manages one of the Y2K compliance projects at a major US-based multinational corporation reports the following (lightly edited to protect sources):

Apparently [a large food retail chain in Britain] with highly automated regional distribution centers was starting to receive canned goods with expiration dates running past 2000.

So, at the same time as they were receiving shipments of tinned tomatoes with shelf lives until' 05 (which were being shuffled into storage bins by their automated pallet system), their automated' expired goods' system was scanning the new stuff, thinking they had gone bad 92 years ago, pulling them, and putting them on to lorries which then took them to the dump.

[...] after trashing the' expired' tins, the automated system placed an order to the supplier to replace them.

Apparently some guy at the warehouse noticed this but didn't want to say anything more...