Tires Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man had a habit of buying things immediately after reading the ads about the products in the paper. Naturally, his wife was not too happy about it. One day the man read an ad about a sale on steel-belted radial tires. He jumped up, exclaiming that he would quickly buy four tires while the sale was on.
The wife complained, ? I don't know what's wrong with you. You are going to buy four expensive tires when you've got a crappy old car??
The man replied, ? Don't make such a big deal about it! I don't complain when you buy new bras, do I??

A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, "Here is a great sale on tires!"
His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car."
He says, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?"

Mel Gibson is on board with Venod Sekhar to find an environmentally safe way to recycle old tires. Sekhar is one of Malaysia's wealthiest men, and Gibson is best known for his work insulting women, police and jews.
Sekhar was quoted as saying, "We don't have any jews in Malaysia, so it's no big deal."
Gibson was quoted as saying "Burning tires is bad for the environment. Burning jews however..."

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

NAME: ___________________________________ C.B. HANDLE: ____________________ ADDRESS: (R.F.D. - H.C.R.) _________________________________________________ DADDY (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects): _____________________________ MAMA: ______________________________________________________________________ NECK SHADE: ( ) LIGHT RED ( ) MEDIUM RED ( ) DARK RED NUMBER OF TEETH EXPOSED IN FULL GRIN: _______ UPPER: _______ LOWER: _______ MAKE OF PICKUP OWNED: _____________________ SIZE OF TIRES: ________________ NUMBER OF EMPTY BEER CANS ON FLOOR OF PICKUP: ______________________________ TRUCK EQUIPPED WITH: ( ) GUN RACK ( ) MUD FLAPS ( ) CAMPER TOP ( ) AIR HORN ( ) 8 TRACK ( ) 4 WHEEL DRIVE ( ) AMERICAN FLAG ( ) RUST ( ) FUZZ BUSTER ( ) LOAD OF WOOD ( ) HIJACK SHOCKS ( ) MUD TIRES ( ) SPITTOON ( ) RUNNING BOARDS ( ) C.B. ANTENNAS ( ) ROLL BAR BUMPER STICKERS: ( ) HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY ( ) HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS ( ) ALMOST HEAVEN, BUCKSPORT ( ) SNATCH KISSES AND VICE VERSA ( ) OLD FART ( ) more...

Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)
Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)
Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)
Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)
Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)
Adam Meway (Out of My Way)
Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)
Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)
Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)
Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)
Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)
Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)
Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)
Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)
Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)
Al Luminum (Aluminum)
Al Nino (El Nino)
Al O'Moaney (Alimony)
Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)
Alec Tricity (Electricity)
Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)
Alf Abet (Alphabet)
Ali Gator (Ali Gator)
Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)
Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)
Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)
Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)
Andy more...

Boy, it really galls my threads when these ignoramuses go off about how the Corvette crowd is 'over-restoring' cars! I say, restored means *exactly* as the factory did it, no matter what. I spent 95 weeks last year doing an accurate and complete ground-up restoration on my '67. And, let me tell you, some of those rubber and glass pieces are *really* hard to restore after grinding them up! Thankfully, the metal pieces are easy to remelt and form.
For some folks, simply applying a bit of overspray while painting is 'good enough.' I scoff at this. I meticulously copied onto the mufflers, droplet by droplet, the exact overspray pattern that was there originally. Even the runs and sags at the bottom of the door panels were duplicated. Your average 'restorer' will just slap some new paint on, calling it 'original' if it is the same color. Jeeez. I chemically removed every vestige of *the original paint*, then broke it down, reformulated it, and re-applied it. Sure, I had to use more...