Titanic Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.
The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg? ” “Phew, that one's easy, ” says the teacher, “The Titanic. ” “ Alright, ” said St. Peter, “you may pass. ”

Then the thief got his question: “How many died on the Titanic? ” The thief replied, “That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people. ” And so he passed through.

Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: “Name them. ”

There are many stories related to the sinking of the Titanic Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie.
For example, most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12, 000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

Bill Gates died and went to Heaven.Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the basic needs. Bill slowly settled into a modest and quiet life in heaven.One day, Bill was walking in one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit."That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?""Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake. I have a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, tennis courts and three Rolls Royces.""Were you the Pope, or a doctor who healed the sick?" asked Gates."No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off more...

Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
Sure, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is simply marriage bait.
Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fianc

* FBI has handed over the investigations to Pakistani Police who have reported to arrest a suspect who claims that he wanted to have coffee on the 65th floor but their planes didn`t land properly.
* First lady is pregnant and FBI claims that Osama is directly or indirectly involved in it.
* BBC reports that Gen. Musharraf has requested Nawaz Sharif to come back and take over. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.....
* While giving an exclusive interview to CNN Film star REEMA has offered that if " Bush - Afghan problem can be solved on " Kuch lo Kuch Do" basis, then she has offered herself.
* Americans have offered Talibans to handover Osama in exchange of Herion of Titanic. But Taliban say that we already have Heroin and please give the Hero of Titanic.
* Latest marketing strategy of United Airline " Fly with us and we will take you straight to your office"
* CNN Report: US Army troops arrived in Khi, will attact Afghanistan after having Tea at more...

Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just then a passenger had the following conversation with the captain.
Passenger: How far is land, from here?
Captain: Two miles...
Passenger: Only two miles, then why these fools are making noise. I have the experience of swimming even more.
Captain:... ???
Passenger: Just tell me in which direction, land is two miles from here?
Captain: Downward...

What is the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?

We know how many went down on the Titanic!