Toes Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his apartment for some extracurricular activity. Well it wasn't long before they found themselves in bed making passionate love. As they were making love though, Bert noticed that Flo's toes would curl up as he was thrusting in and out. When they were done, Bert laid back on the bed and said, "I must of been pretty good tonight. I noticed your toes curling up when I was going in and out." Flo looked at him and smiled. "That usually happens when you forget to remove my pantyhose!"
In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human’s homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom’s toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat’s vomited food.
2. I will not jump on the [xxx].
kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human’s full bladder at 5: 30 A. M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night.
3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx].
sofa, carpet, drapes, my human’s leg, my human’s boss’s leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires.
4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx].
floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human’s more...
In New York City, an out of work jazz drummer named Ed was thinking of throwing himself off a bridge. But then he ran into a former booking agent who told him about the fantastic opportunities for drummers in Iraq. The agent said "If you can find your way over there, just take my card and look up the bandleader named Faisal--he's the large guy with the beard wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curl up at the toes." Ed hit up everyone he knew and borrowed enough to buy transport to Iraq. It took several days to arrange for passport, visas, transportation into Iraq and the shipping of his equipment, but he was finally on his way. Ed arrived in Baghdad and immediately started searching for Faisal. He found guys in pajamas of every color but gold. Finally, in a small coffeehouse, he saw a huge man with a beard--wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curled up at the toes! Ed approached him and asked if he was Faisal. He was. Ed gave him the agent's card and Faisal's face brightened more...
The attractive young lady was worried about her sailor boyfriend, away at sea, and complained to her doctor that she couldn't sleep at night. She requested some sleeping tablets, but the doctor suggested she try a psychological technique before resorting to drugs. "Since counting sheep and the other more usual methods have failed," he said, "try repeating this little ritual each night when you retire:' Toes go to sleep, feet go to sleep, ankles go to sleep, legs go to sleep, thighs go to sleep' and so on, all the way to the top of your head. Concentrate on each separate part of your body as you direct it to sleep, and before you know it, you'll be in dreamland."
The young lady was dubious, but that very night, after turning out the light and getting into bed, she tried the doctor's suggestion.
"Toes go to sleep," she began. "Feet go to sleep, ankles go to sleep, legs go to sleep, thighs go to sleep.. . . "
Suddenly the door to her more...
Q. What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes ? A. Slow natives.
An old fellow was celebrating 92 years on this Earth. He
spoke To his toes. "Hello, toes!" he said, "How are you, toes? You know, you are 92 today.
Oh, the times we've had! Remember we walked in the park in
summer every Sunday afternoon. The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!"
"Hello, knees," he continued. "How are you, knees? You
know you're 92 today. Oh, the times we've had! Remember when we marched in the arade?
Oh the hurdles we've jumped together. Happy Birthday
knees!"
Then, he looked down at his crotch. "Hello Willie! You
little bugger, if you were alive today, you'd be 92.