Toes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his apartment for some extracurricular activity.
Well it wasn’t long before they found themselves in bed making passionate love. As they were making love though, Bert noticed that Flo’s toes would curl up as he was thrusting in and out.
When they were done, Bert laid back on the bed and said, “I must of been pretty good tonight. I noticed your toes curling up when I was going in and out. ”
Flo looked at him and smiled. “That usually happens when you forget to remove my pantyhose! ”

The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10, 000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general’s body between two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720, 000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960, 000.
Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, “from the tip of my penis to the tip of my testicles. ” The pension man said that would be fine but he’d better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring.
The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop ‘em… he did… The Medical Officer placed more...

Editor's note: This is a crude, sick series of shock jokes. You've been warned.

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Becoming a parent for the first time can be a bewildering experience. Here are some tips to help you through those hectic first few months:

- Wait at least three weeks before tattooing baby.

- If baby starts to choke, don't help: Allowing infant to cough up blockage "all-by-myself" will help tremendously in development of his or her self-esteem.

- Always store baby in a secure, locked drawer when not in use.

- Prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome by screaming at baby every five minutes, "Are you okay, baby?!"

- Babies love to play. Grasp baby by ankles and, with quick snap of the wrist, crack its soft skull against wall or floor.

- Tired of your baby's fat, wrinkled appearance? Apply hot iron to him or her for 30 seconds on each side.

- Baby carriers are a needless expense. Try more...

Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his apartment for some extracurricular activity.
Well it wasn't long before they found themselves in bed making passionate love. As they were making love though, Bert noticed that Flo's toes would curl up as he was thrusting in and out.
When they were done, Bert laid back on the bed and said, "I must of been pretty good tonight. I noticed your toes curling up when I was going in and out."
Flo looked at him and smiled. "That usually happens when you forget to remove my pantyhose!"

Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his apartment for some extracurricular activity.Well it wasn't long before they found themselves in bed making passionate love. As they were making love though, Bert noticed that Flo's toes would curl up as he was thrusting in and out.When they were done, Bert laid back on the bed and said, "I must of been pretty good tonight. I noticed your toes curling up when I was going in and out."Flo looked at him and smiled. "That usually happens when you forget to remove my pantyhose!"

The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10, 000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose. The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check for $720, 000. The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960, 000. Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third. When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from the tip of my penis to the tip of my testicles." The pension man said that would be fine but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring. The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop' em... he did... The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of more...

A guy in the navy is out on leave. He realizes that he has an hour left. He really wants to get a piece of ass before he goes back, so he runs to the nearest whore-house and procures himself a hooker. He goes up into her room and doesn't mess around, pulling his pants down and jumping on for the ride.
He starts humping her and he notices that every time he humps, her toes curl up! He figures he must be pretty good in the sack if can get a hooker's toes to curl.
He comes back the next day and asks for the same hooker. He goes a little bit earlier so he can talk to her and take his time. He goes up to the room and they both undress. Before getting in bed, the sailor says: "I got the impression that you were impressed with my love-making yesterday."
The hooker replies: "Oh? Why's that?" He says,"I noticed every time I humped you, your toes would curl up!" The Hooker says: "For your information, sailor-boy, that's what happens when you don't more...